Somehow, night after night I seem to lose more and more sleep. It’s as if there is some kind of frigging fairy coming to steal sleep away from me. Is there a sleep thief fairy? I’m not up on my mythology these days. I swear the human body needs at least a few hours of sleep a night right? Like two or three at least? Somehow, I don’t think we were built to be engines that run entirely on caffeine and caffeine alone.

“Sleep thief” searches only brought me pictures of some pretentious music dude who looked a bit “douche” by my standards.
Enjoy this very stupid picture.

Maybe sleep loss has contributed to my weight gain. Maybe sleep loss has contributed to my brain loss. I swear I get stupider and stupider every day. That might have something to do with hitting that magical 30 years old mark. It might also have to do with the fact that vegetables and fruits have (lately) been a bit of a “legend” to my body. As in I’m sure they exist as I vaguely remember eating them at some point. But at the moment, they seem non-corporeal and allegedly real.

Like Casper, but less “friendly” and more “vital to my daily function as a human being.” Casper’s cool and all, but he’s not exactly going to make my teeth shiny.
Photo Courtesy Wikimedia Commons.

Perhaps it explains my luck with the ladies lately. Oh, I’ve met some pretty cool girls and I am actually a pretty reasonably decent guy when it comes to girls. Girls like me, no doubt. But for some reason I haven’t felt so hot about it. To myself, I mean. I think it’s because I need a long, long nap. More sleep and a little bit more exercise will get those endorphins pumping in my body and get me feeling sexy again.

My last date.
Photo Courtesy not of “my last date” but of “Psycho Sleepover” by Troma Films.

Jeez, I’ve only squeezed 300 some odd words out of this lame “haven’t slept” premise? It’s not that it’s exactly a premise asI sleep like SHIT almost every day but it’s brutal when I realize that I hardly have enough mental power to type up 400 “hilarious” words on my “super fun, silly willy” blog and I gotta work in an hour, laying out pages of the newspaper. Luckily, I did two and a quarter earlier today so I have probably about a page and a half to do. Still, I wish I had some more energy. Maybe I need to start taking more vitamin B-12.

Especially since taking B12 is apparently the hottest thing EVER.