(Light fades in the man sitting on the couch. He opens his eyes and sits upright again. He looks curious and intrigued)

Man: Maybe it’s time I started looking for misses right. I’m not getting any younger and they’re just getting older…

(Man stands up in front of the couch and moves a few steps front center. He looks to his left, an eye to his brow. He looks right. He should pause at each side briefly as if searching intently. Mug a little here but not too excessively please. Thanks!)

Man: I don’t…see any girls around here! (just then, the woman from earlier, dressed in new clothes should walk behind him. He should be unaware of her. She should walk on and off the stage, from stage left to right. Man should pause speaking until she is off stage)

Man: It used to be so easy to meet girls… in the good old days… (play a tape of laughter, party sounds, talking, guitar playing etc. The contents don’t matter much but it should try to portray a feeling of merriment. The man smiles as the tape plays)

Man: Yeah…those good old days…when I could sit around the house all day…with my buddies…doing nothing all day…
playing video games…oh man…

(Play sounds of a video game. Again, it doesn’t matter what game but I’d suggest something Atari 2600 or NES for nostalgia factor. Man should mime playing a game)

Man: Jump over that damn…look out! Falling into the same damn pit over…and over…and over…(man should look down at his hands as if he is holding a controller)

Man: How long has it been since I sat down and played a video game…how long has it been since I did a speed run of “Super Mario Brothers One”? I used to be able to beat the damn game in fifteen minutes (man laughs). I wonder if I could still do that…I wonder if it would feel the same?

(Man moves slowly to stage left as the woman from earlier moves from stage right to stage left again. Each time she moves past him she should move in a provocative fashion, designed to catch his eye. Somehow, he doesn’t see her. She should move quickly to keep the scene from stalling but not too fast. The man should be lost in concentration as she moves)

Man: Sometimes though…when I really think about those “good old days” I remember all the kids that used to beat me up…all the mean and cruel things that were done to me…(play a tape of mocking voices, making fun of the man for various things. Make them humorous but cruel. Man should cringe at the things he’s hearing)

Man: And then the things I said and did to those kids even weaker than me…”Hey faggot” I remember saying that a lot…to this one little kid. Small and weak the kind of kid people loved to pick on and beat up…because he’d cry every time…”hey faggot” I’d say, watching his lip curl up, the tears forming, as he clutched his books. (the man shakes his head)

Man: “Hey faggot! Where’s your boyfriend?” Oh my God, did I really say that to him? I did…I remember, the bullies, those big kids…the kids who got beat up by their dads…they’d beat me up, hurt me, steal my money…so I’d scream “hey faggot!” at the little kid…the kid the bullies didn’t bother going after…he was so small…so small…”get that cock out of your ass!” Oh man…The bullies would laugh at me…laugh at me as I yelled at that little kid…(man closes his eyes)

(Woman walks by from stage left to right. She should have a different costume on each time. Make these provocative but semi-humorous. Moments like these help alleviate the melodrama of the scene a little)

Man: But you know those bullies…they work at gas stations. Or worse! They sit in trailers, on couches, sucking on cigarettes and beer while their wives, those formerly beautiful women…pump out kids…some of those guys are on meth…making meth…but those girls were never really worth it…they sure seemed like it at the time, so cool and they swaggered just as much as the boys but…they had those butts and those boobs…and their kids pick on the kids of the people their parents picked on…if I had kids they’d be there getting beat up by these…poor kids.

(Man should be moving around the stage as he speaks to avoid creating unbearable boredom in the scene. Now, he should move back to the couch and sit down, again, head in hands. Woman walks on stage and sits next to him on the couch. She should be dressed in the conservative costume again)

Woman: Hello.

Man (looking at the woman): Hello.

Woman: What’s the matter? (puts an arm around his shoulder)

Man: I was just…remembering the good old days.

Woman (shocked): Oh God! No wonder you’re crying.

Man: I’m not crying (wiping away a real or pretend tear, depending on the actors ability)

Woman: No, you are and it’s okay. Its good for you.

Man: No it’s not. It’s weakness.

Woman (laughs): Of course it is. We all have weakness. You gotta accept that.

Man (stands up, throwing the woman’s arm off his shoulder and shaking his head): No. I can’t accept that.

Woman (laughing even harder): You have to accept that. It’ll drive you crazy not to accept that.

Man: No way (man moves further from woman to stage right). I just can’t accept any weakness.

Woman (staring at the man’s back): Are you really so proud?

Man: It’s not pride. It’s just common sense.

Woman: It’s common sense to deny your nature?

Man: I’m not denying my nature. Just defying it.

Woman (shaking head sadly): You really believe that don’t you?

Man (nodding emphatically): Of course I do! Who could believe any different?

Woman (stands up and stares at the man, briefly moving towards him, then stopping): I feel…

Man (interrupting): You feel what?

Woman: I feel.

Man (laughing, turning towards her): Really? That’s the best you got? I bet you’ve been saving that one up for something like this…real Earth shaking shit there…”I feel” (man laughs) “I feel!” I feel…(man laughs again) How profound! Such care and delicacy put into your words…are you a fucking linguist, my dear?

(The woman stands and stares at the man for a few moments. She sighs and turns around)

Woman: Laugh if you want. Bully me. If that really makes you feel better. Bigger. More important.

Man (shakes head, still smiling but speaking somewhat apologetically): I wasn’t mocking you.

Woman (speaking over her shoulder): No? That wasn’t bullying?

Man: No, of course not. I was just pointing out…

Woman: How stupid I am?

Man: No, that’s not what…

Woman: I get it. It’s not bullying when you do it.

Man (pausing for a few beats as the thought sinks into his head): No…that’s not…that’s not what I meant.

Woman: What did you mean then?

Man: I meant…that…you know you’re acting…

Woman: Acting what? Acting how?

Man: You’re being a bit…silly…

Woman (laughing): What’s the shortest line between “silly” and “stupid”?

Man: What?

Woman: Don’t worry. It’s a trick question. There is no difference.

(Woman walks off stage as the man stares at her as she leaves. Man moves to the couch, sits down and stares out over the audience. He should look over their heads, not directly at them)

Man: Why do women always do this to me?

(Man closes his eyes again as the lights fade to black to the next scene)

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