(Lights fade in on the man lying on the couch. He is still shocked, sitting on the couch in silence. Let a few moments pass as he sits on the couch, enough time for the woman to change into a new outfit and come on stage. Her new outfit should be something the woman chooses herself)

(The woman walks up center stage and stands as close to the edge of the stage as possible. The lights should hit her sporadically, darkening her figure considerably. The woman should start humming, quietly at first but emphatically after a few moments. She can hum whatever she wants. My suggestion is either classical melodies or bubble gum pop)

(The man should start humming the melodies along with the woman. Obviously, they should have decided on a melody before hand. Both stand very still, not looking at each other. Her back should be to the man for this entire scene. The man should eventually sit up on the couch, sitting directly in the center. He should then look at the woman’s back, continuing to hum)

(Eventually, the two should start humming “Picasso’s Final Words” by Paul McCartney and the Wings. Specifically the “drink to me, drink to my health, you know I can’t drink any more” section. The man should then stand up and walk across the stage towards the woman. She should not react to him moving in the slightest)

(The man should then walk across the stage to the woman and stand directly behind her. Their bodies should be touching. The man should then throw his arms around the woman, holding her in a gentle, intimate matter. He should lay his head on her shoulder and continue humming. They should both be swaying in unison with each other. The woman should still appear not to have noticed the man)

Man (singing): Drink to me…drink to my health…

Woman (singing): Drink to me…drink to my health…

Man (singing): You know I can’t, drink any more…

Woman (singing): You know I can’t, drink any more…

Man (singing): Jet!

Woman (singing): Wooo hooo oooo wooo hooo ooo wooo ooo hooo…

Man (singing): Jet!

Woman (singing): Wooo hooo oooo wooo hooo ooo wooo ooo hoo…

(Man kisses the woman on the neck. At this point, the woman should let loose with a heart wrenching scream. The scream should be as loud as possible and should sound like the death cry of a person falling off a building. The man should then stumble backwards and fall onto the couch as the woman screams. He should stare at her wide eyed as she screams, terrified and unable to think. Eventually the woman should let the scream die)

(The woman smiles a little bit and starts to sway in place. She should then start humming a new song, “Are You Gonna Go My Way” by Lenny Kravitz. Why? I don’t know. The man should cautiously walk up to her as she sways and reach out to touch her. The woman should grumble, moan, deep in her throat in a threatening way. The man will then withdraw his hand. She smiles and continues to hum and sway)

(The man begins pacing back and forth across the stage. Left stage to right stage and back again. He should be several steps behind the woman. His eyes should be trained on her at all times as he walks)

Man: You know what…

(Woman ignores him or doesn’t here him and continues to sway. Man keeps pacing)

Man: I don’t get it I just…

Woman (singing): Are you gonna go my way?

Man (stops pacing): Maybe.

(Woman loudly sings the riff of the sing while the man tries to talk to her. This should hold true over all dialogue from this point until otherwise noted)

Man: I was just wondering…I mean…I’ve seen you around here before…(man is getting exasperated with the singing) You said…you sang…quit please, can you please stop singing? (Woman keeps singing) I have something important to ask you…stop singing please…(Woman keeps singing)

Man: Please, please stop singing (Woman keeps singing. Man raises his voice) Please, please stop singing! (Woman keeps singing. Man raises his voice to a shout) Please! Please stop singing! (Woman sings louder as if trying to sing over the man. The man screams the next line at the top of his voice) Please stop fucking singing!

(Woman stops singing for a moment. Let the impact of the scream hang in the air for a few moments. The Woman should have a slightly shocked expression on her face. Eventually, she starts singing the riff again. The man collapses on the couch, defeated)

Man: I don’t understand…just talk to me…

(Woman keeps singing but slowly begins walking off stage right. She keeps singing the riff over and over again. The man watches her as she walks off stage)

Woman (just as she is about to get off stage): Are you gonna go my way? (moves off stage)

Man (after a few seconds, shouting): Yes! Yes I am! Come back! Come back! (stage is silent as the man sits. The woman should move backstage, changing into a new costume as she goes, grabbing her megaphone and moving to stage left. While she does this the man should stare quietly at stage right where the woman exited)

Voice off stage: It’s your fault! It’s all your fault!

Man: My fault? (still looking stage right) It’s my fault?

Voice off stage: Of course it’s your fault! It’s always your fault!

Man: It is? (turning stage front, sitting on the couch in the middle) It is.

Voice off stage: Of course it is. Who else would be so stupid?

Man: So stupid…who else is so…stupid…

Voice off stage: Nobody! Nobody is that stupid!

Man: Nobody is that stupid…I’m that stupid…(points at chest) I’m…that…stupid…

Voice off stage: You sure are! It’s good to see you’re finally getting your head clear. Finally starting to think straight.

Man: I can see clearly now…I understand it…I understand everything…it is my fault.

Voice: Do you understand now? Do you understand?

Man: I do…I do understand.

Voice off stage: No you don’t!

Man: (getting angry) Yes I do!

Voice off stage: You understand nothing! You never have! You never will!

Man (standing up, pointing off to stage left): Yes I do! I know now who you are and why you torment me!

Voice off stage: Do you now? (laughs) Go ahead, tell me, who am I?

Man (raising his voice as he goes): You’re the slimy underbelly of indecision, self loathing and confusion. You are contradiction, rage and sadism. You are the pestering mosquito pest that bites the back of everyone’s mind, draining their energy, their soul and their youth.

Man (moves closer to stage left): You’re the shouting voice in the back of everybody’s mind that tells them they are a failure, no good and worthless. You are the self fulfilling, self defeating prophecy that devastates everybody from the moment they are born to the moment they die! You are…

Voice off stage (laughing, interrupting): Maybe I am all of those things.

Man: You are!

Voice off stage: Maybe I am none of those things.

Man: I know what you are…I know where you come from…

Voice off stage (laughing): Maybe you do know. But you have to ask yourself three questions.

Man (defiantly): Yeah? What?

Voice off stage: What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about me? How are you going to get rid of me?

Man (shouting): I…(whispering) I…(man moves to the couch and sits down. He moves his lips quietly as if he is contemplating something, trying to figure out an important truth) I…(the luster gradually fades from his rage as he thinks) I don’t know…

Voice off stage: Yes…you finally understand…you finally get it.

(Man stares out over the audience as the stage fades to black)

Fin

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