Sleepless rambles are always fun to write because I’m operating on a huge lack of personal rest which causes my mind to meltdown bringing strange thoughs to the forefront. I operate solely on caffeine during these days and they are what propel these posts pasts the banality of stream-of-conscious and thrust them into the forefront of imagination.

For example: I’m sitting at the coffee shop now (chugging down nearly endless refills of ice tea, supplying me a no calorie way to enjoy some caffeine) and a young girl, no more than high school in age walks by and I notice, as her hair falls away from the side of her head as she walks, that the sides are shaved underneath.

A bit like this. Actually, a lot like that. It is that.

I really have little to say about that beyond the fact that it reminds me a lot of Mike Patton’s early days in “Faith No More” where he had a similar hair style, perhaps a bit more “reverse mullet” or something. I’m not sure how to describe it. I’m not even sure if I like it. I’m not against unusual hairstyles but this one seems not to pique my interest. Perhaps a bit too “white trash” for my taste.

I wonder if the girl in the shop or the girl in this picture would even know who “Faith No More” was or is or who Mike Patton is or was anyways. I think there’s a better chance they’d know Mike Patton. The guy has become something of a phenom on the underground circuit for his singing and odd compositional styles. His singing is a lot like somebody stuff Fred Willard up Freddy Mercury’s nose to stop it from bleeding and Freddy thought “fuck it” and went on singing anyways.

I couldn’t find an image of a man up Freddie’s nose. So here he is as the King of Queen. Er shouldn’t that be Kevin James? Forget it.

And just now I pushed play to listen to the first “Horse the Band” album. Is it any good? Well, do you like heavy metal guitars played very technically with weird 80’s synthesizers blasting over top while some guy screams about NES games and characters, punctuated by inappropriate samples from shitty movies?

Wait, you do? All right, you’d probably like this album. Me? I’m too busy trying to Photoshop Fred Willard into Freddie Mercury’s nose but failing miserably because I Photoshop like my hands were duct taped to angry wombats trying to combat fetal alcohol syndrome.

Plus, I don’t even own Photoshop. I use PAINTBRUSH so you can imagine how good my image of a furiously masturbating Fred Willard (read the news if you don’t get that) shoved up Fred Dee Mercuries nose would look. Am I going to share it? No way in hell: but I am selling and uploading it to “Celebrities Up Freddie Mercury’s” in case you were interested.

I’m very sorry to those that clicked on “news” as it linked you to TMZ. It was the first result that came up when I searched “Fred Willard” and I went with it even if reading anything that comes from that site is like contemplating a future career after failing out of community college while pursuing a degree in palm reading.

The lady at the fair read my palm, pictured here, and told me I was probably voted “Most Likely to Be Alice Cooper” in high school.

Wait, I’ve already written 554 words (as of just before the beginning of this sentence)? I think that qualifies as the legal limit of “random unrelated shit” you can post on a blog before its legally required to be considered toilet paper in an insane asylum. Wait, that number is 650? Better stop as I’m already pushing 640.

Wait, what did this have to do with love?


Boom. Now it makes sense.